Right now I'm missing someone very badly. Funny thing is, he hasn't even gone anywhere yet. He's where he usually is, doing what he usually does. But right now, my heart is palpitating. There's nothing I can really do, I suppose it's an "it is what it is" situation. I have to learn. Learn to deal, learn to move forward, learn to not let it hurt, learn to be happy. All this learning to do and I'm so occupied with what I seem to believe. I seem to believe that he'll leave me forever. I seem to believe that he's forgetting about me more and more each day. I seem to believe that I don't mean that much anymore. I seem to believe that what I think is happening is actually happening. He'll be leaving soon, but I feel like he's already left. It bothers me that I haven't said good bye and that I feel like maybe I sent him off early. My view and reality are two different things. He'll talk to me tomorrow and I'll put on a smile. Those tricky insecurities though. Always lurking behind that smile and inside my head. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to learn. I don't want to believe anything. All I want is to have him here. To know that he knows that I miss him. To not miss him at all. I'm such a ball of twitching little thoughts. If I could only think to shut up and enjoy.
No comments:
Post a Comment