A Face Unknown

This is a "poem" I had first "published" in my myspace blog. It's kinda old, so if you think it's kinda lame, that's okay, fuck you is all. Just kidding!

A Face Unknown

Who are you?
When are we going to cross paths?
I feel I know you, but your face is unclear.
There's a longing for you that's deep, though you're a stranger.
It's the physical that's foreign, the rest I've been aware of.
For someone I've never met, you've caused me such grief.
As someone who loves you, it's euphoria you've given me.
You stand behind the strangers at my face, away from view.
I'm under a spotlight, although perhaps in an empty room.
You've consumed me, but at my fault.
You will appear.
When the strangers leave.
When the spotlight has been turned off.
When I have vacated the room.
When I have forgotten your existence in my being.
We will consume eachother.
I will reappear.
When I know you.
When we cross paths.
When your face is clear.
When the longing for you is over.
When you are a stranger no more.

A Push

I felt the need to write something inspiring, so forgive me. Right now a lot of people are going through extreme changes in their lives. I'm right there with them. My life is completely different from how it was a year ago. Change can be really scary. How can we be secure when we're unsure of what lies ahead? It may be naive of anyone to think that comfort will last forever, but comfort brings pleasure. When it's gone we must somehow deal with the pain of moving in a new direction, even if it was not asked for. One thing I've learned and am still learning is to simply trust that it will all work out in the end. It's easier said than done, I know, but we can't just stop and think of all the things that stand in the way of being happy again. We all make mistakes or sometimes new paths come across us that we just have to take. The first step is the most difficult and there might be a great deal of distance between them, but every step is an accomplishment in its own. We all want happiness and at some point, we all achieve happiness. Unfortunately, happiness is a fragile thing, it breaks easily and we must obtain it once again. This is where change comes to play and this where you must decide to accept it or stay where you are with your hands empty. I hope for myself and for all of you, that you take that first step and all the steps necessary to be happy again. You'll fall down, you'll have to sacrifice, and there will be days when you can't see the worth of moving on. Although they might not seem to be, these are just minor complications that will dissipate if you keep your goal in mind. A small pause is nothing, in your life's travels you may need to pause to keep track of where you're going. Stopping completely is where you lose the opportunity to obtain happiness.

So I Think They Can't Dance As Good As Season 3

Okay, I'm a huge fan of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, but ugh, season 4 SUCKS MAJOR BALLS! There hasn't been any performances so far that have stuck out to me or that have made me go, "whoa." I find myself waiting for something cool to happen and then before I know it, the routine is done and I'm like, "oh, okay . . ."
There aren't really any cuties either, no one I'm really rooting for. And the judges are trippin too! They swear this season is better than the last one. Season 3 remains my favorite season. There were so many HOT and talented dancers last season like Kameron and Danny :-) Let me just show you some examples of how much better Season 3 was compared to Season4:

I think this is my favorite routine ever on the show, it's a samba by Danny and Lacey of Season 3, this is just mad sexy:


Okay here's Season 4's samba by Katee and Joshua, the judges creamed over this, but I thought it was wack, it looked so forced and Katee cannot shake it the way Lacey did:


Okay, Mary said that this was one of the most amazing pieces she's ever seen on the show. This is a contemporary routine by Will and Jessica of Season 4. The judges were all over this routine, but I thought it was choppy, messy, and the ending was kinda awkward, like "oh it's done?"


Did the judges forget about this routine?? Once I saw this, I couldn't get it out of my head. Hok and Jaime of Season 3 did such an amazing job, I was mesmerized:


So yea, I think Season 4 sucks, but I'm going to continue to watch and hopefully it'll be more entertaining and I'll be wowed ;-)

Venez WOO HOO uela!

This is Orlando Delgado, he's from Venezuela and represented Venezuela in the Manhunt International Pageant this year. I have no idea why, but he actually did NOT win (I know right??) I think he's absolutely FANTASTIC. The kid's only 18 too, GEEZ! Anyways, talk about HOT BODY with a beautiful face to match! I would like to be his friend and then some. (Photo is courtesy of: http://www.manhunt.com)

At Some Point In The Day

At some point in the day, there is always a moment of solitude. The loud cities always exhale to reveal a silent peace. Our thoughts and apprehensions cease from running and pause where they can be clearly seen. The soundtrack of complication is finally unplugged. Some are frightened by the quiet. Usually they are comforted by the busyness that swarms them. Others find refuge in silence. Nothing is more soothing than when the palpitations fade into forgotten memories. As the stillness hovers over us, we can reflect and refuel, cleanse or soil. It may only last heartbeat because as the world awakens, so do we.

Random Epiphany From Watching YouTube

After watching the YouTube post of Mary Kate Olsen's interview with David Letterman, I realized: Mary Kate isn't really a 22 year old bag lady, I think I like her again.

Winding Down

Every night it's the same. Come around, say, oh 9:00 I'm super tired from my day. Of course it would be ideal for me to go to bed and rest, but of course I never do what's ideal for me. Inconvenience is the name of my game! Instead of going to bed at a decent hour, I stay up watching reruns of shows that I've seen millions of times or that I have on DVD. If not that, then I'm on the computer searching bullshit. By the time I'm done with my knuckleheadness (yes, that's a word to me) I'm beyond exhausted and it's pushing 1 a.m. or later. Oh to live in a world where I could fall asleep before midnight and wake up refreshed with the birds chirping. I truly cannot think if I've ever woken up in the morning re-energized and ready for the day. The morning is usually hell on Earth for me and I'm sure I look like booty too. So yea just thought I'd waste more of my sleep time writing about how I waste my sleep time.

So Where Was I . . .

So like, okay, as I was saying, I finally got the balls to leave my wack-ass, no future job at Countrywide. Fortunately, I got accepted to Cal State Long Beach, so I packed on up out of my parent's house and moved here to LB. Spring semester was my first semester back to school after 5 f-ing years. I was so excited to go back to school, but I was also really nervous. I didn't want to come back and get mediocre or bad grades. I wanted to do GOOD and I knew I was going to have to work mad hard to do that. That's exactly what I had to do. Seriously, there's no possible way I could have worked AND go to school full time. I made my schedule so that I only had classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On my days off though, I HAD to do my homework. If I had a job, there'd be no way I could focus on doing schoolwork. Taking 4 classes is definitely not the same as just taking one class. Anyways, I don't need to get into every detail of my first semester so let me fast forward to the end of the semester . . . . So my hard work and stress paid off for me. I ended my first semester with a 3.8 GPA. I literally jumped up and down when I saw my final grades hahaha. That one moment was more fulfilling to me than anything during my 5 years at Countrywide. And this is gonna sound really lame I know, but I felt super sexy too lol. I'm still adjusting to not working and being poor, but I'm so glad I decided to return to school. I now feel like I have an ambition and that all the sacrifices I've had to make will be worth it in the end. Let me just tell you, I CANNOT WAIT to get my Communication Studies Degree!

NOVEMBER 28, 2006???

DAMN, I am sooooo lame. November 28, TWO THOUSAND SIX was the last time I posted something. That is so typical me hahaha. My GOD so much has happened since then. (Here's a more recent picture of me hahaha) Well by far the biggest thing that's happened to me is I'm back in school! Yup, I am a junior at Cal State Long Beach, sexy huh? For those of you who don't know me, I was working for uber-lame mortgage company and just uber-lame company in general, Countrywide Home Loans. I started working there in 2002 and I swear I never in my wildest nightmares thought I would stay there for so long, but I did. It's funny how being comfortable somewhere can actually get you stuck, which is exactly what happened with me. I had no interest in the mortgage industry, the job I had was just easy and I made pretty good money. Comfort doesn't necessarily mean happiness though. After nearly 5 years in that 8-5 boring hell hole, I found myself lost and I realized I had forgotten about the dreams and goals I had made for myself a long time ago. I've always wanted to work in the entertainment industry. I want to have a career where I can use my imagination, be creative, and more importantly, do what makes me happy. It took a long time to get through my hard head, but I finally realized, I need to go back to school and get my degree. For the longest time though I questioned how I would get back to school. It was always "How Jay? You have to pay for your car, you're going to have to pay rent, how are you going to afford everything if you don't work here at Countrywide?" All that questioning took up so much of my time, I wasn't going anywhere. So I said, FUCK IT, just do it, don't ask how, face the obstacles when you they come to you. I mustered up the courage and quit my job. It turned out to be the best decision I could have ever made . . . and I'll tell you why in the next post because it's late and I need to gets to bed!